From the monthly archives:

November 2003

Ol' Buttermilk Pie

11.28.2003

experts predict busy Thanksgiving for the finger thing I’m aware that readers of this blog may see me as a prick bastard incisive social commentator. Looking back over my recent posts, I’ve called people dorks, dipshits and morons. If you’ve come to the conclusion that I am cold and cynical, I offer this. There. Now [...]

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Get Stuffed

11.27.2003

Headline in Yahoo news Wednesday: Experts predict busy Thanksgiving travel Thanks, Experts! A few years ago I saw a report on the local TV news about oil companies reducing gas prices just in time for the holidays. (They pull this PR stunt every year and the news falls for it every year.) They interviewed a [...]

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I May Be A Jerk, But I'm A Clean Jerk

11.26.2003

is this too much to ask for? I’m in danger of straying deeper than ever into bad stand-up territory here, but what is it with women and soap? First of all, don’t get me wrong; I love being in women’s bathrooms, whether it’s at a party, or at a friend’s house for dinner, or just [...]

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We Are Now Ready to Begin Commencing the Pre-Boarding Procedure

11.24.2003

there is something oddly compelling about this picture There’s a TV show called “Airport” on the Discovery Wings Channel (a.k.a. the World War II Airplane Channel – not to be confused with the plain ol’ Discovery Channel, the Discovery Times Channel, the Discovery Mountain-Biking-and-Faux-Finishing Channel, the Discovery Animals-Doing-It Channel or the Hitler Channel). The show [...]

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Brown Sauce or Red?

11.21.2003

REUTERS/David Bebber From Reuters: British performance artist Mark McGowan performs his artwork entitled ‘Sausage, Chips and Beans’ at the House Gallery, London in this photo taken November 14, 2003. McGowan intends to spend 100 hours sitting in the bath of baked beans with sausages strapped to his head and two chips stuck up his nose [...]

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Greetings, Your Majestry

11.19.2003

I’m not even going to talk about GW’s visit to the UK, since Adda has already nailed it. At her urging, I turned on CNN to try to see the footage of him doing his high school graduation walk. Now I remember why I don’t watch the news anymore. While I was waiting for the [...]

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Crap Circles

11.18.2003

don’t worry, it’s not what you think Yesterday morning I came downstairs to find that pattern of brown marks on my carpet. Naturally, having an animal in the house, I suspected the worst, but on careful examination (by careful I mean not sticking my nose in it – and no, I didn’t taste it) I [...]

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Partly Drunk, With Widely Scattered Patches of Cheese

11.17.2003

why do I always have to make a face? The problem with throwing a party and having dozens of your favorite people show up is that you don’t get to talk to anyone for more than five minutes. Saturday night I hosted ScorpioFest 2003, a co-birthday party for Samantha, Jenny, Catherine and, also, me. At [...]

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Leave. NOW!

11.14.2003

I try to be efficient. For instance, when I weigh myself in the morning, rather than just waste that time standing there, I do it while I’m brushing my teeth. (Apparently my toothbrush weighs 47 pounds.) While I’m waiting for the shower to heat up, I clean the litter box. When I’m making an omelet, [...]

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I’m a Dude! No, I’m a Chick!

11.13.2003

researchers at the candle factory I’ve spent the last couple of hours watching the Rally of France and the Rally of Spain. I love rally racing. (Of course I do – it’s foreign and hard to find.) You get to see little tiny cars going very fast sideways on logging roads, public roads, and through [...]

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