From the category archives:

Daddyblog

“I don’t want to go to school.”
“Why not?”
“It’s not fair that we have five days of school and two days of weekend. It should be the other way around.”
“But you have so much to learn now. You’re learning to write, and to read. And pretty soon you’ll be learning about science, like where plants and animals come from.”
“Plants come from the earth. Animals come from other animals.”
“And you’ll be learning about history. Like who was the first man on the moon.”
“George Washington was the first man on the moon.”
“No, George Washington was the first president. Neil Armstrong was the first man on the moon.”
“George Washington was the first man on the moon, and Neil Armstrong was the first man to play a trumpet on the moon.”

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“Hey look, buddy. That’s called a luge.”
“Can I do it?”

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Me: “Thank you for coming with me to the grocery store.”
The Boy: “It was a waste of time for me.”

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“Knock knock.”
“Who’s there?”
“Knock knock.”
“Who’s there?”
“Knock knock.”
“Who’s there?”
“This isn’t a joke. It’s just annoying.”

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We’re trying to discourage bathroom talk, especially at the dinner table. But it’s hard not to laugh at, “I power the city with my farts.”

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“Daddy, underwater you look like an old potato.”

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“Who’s there?”
“Interrupting eyeball.”
“Interrupting eyeball wh…”
“LASER!”

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“Wash your hands and I’ll make you a plate of pancakes.”

“I want blueberry pancakes, not Play-Do pancakes!”

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“If they have toys at the hardware store, can I buy one with the money Grampy gave me?”
“Sure.”
“Good. I want a riding lawn mower.”

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“I wish I was a vegetable so that I didn’t have to get shots.”

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