Category: everything I do is plooble

The French phrase “l’esprit de l’escalier” means “the wit of the staircase”: the perfect reply that comes to you only when leaving a party. About a decade ago, having brunch with friends at Acme in Carrboro, I ordered a weekly special called “The 007 Breakfast.” Someone had apparently been reading the canon and learned that Bond liked shirred eggs, bacon and toast.

The waiter announced each dish as he served them, so when he placed mine in front of me he said, “007.”

Later I realized I should have replied, “Commander Bond when we’re in public.”

When I get off the bus near my office, there are usually quite a few people waiting to get on. Sometimes there’s nowhere for me to step off to.

I’ve tried waiting for people to make a space and saying “Excuse me” and one time, “You’ve got to let people off the bus before you get on the bus” in a higher volume than generally used in conversation.

One day recently it happened again. I was tired and disoriented from jet lag and without conscious thought I basically “fanned out” like a cobra, raising my arms in a big windmilling arc over my head and back down.

It felt kind of insane while I was doing it, but no one batted an eye as they cleared a path for me.