“Thank you for your recent application. We have notified the proper authorities.”
While working as marketing communications manager for a small software company, I ran an ad on monster.com for a marketing communications specialist. I got about a hundred resumes. These are actual excerpts. Do I even need to say that I did not hire any of these people?
“I am exactly the caliber of person I would want to have on my team”
“Be pleased that my experience and drive to learn can make a value-added contribution to your team of professionals”
“Marketing is a discipline in a period of great change of which it is still evolving”
“My ideal company is one that offers career advancement based on your work ethics”
In the “responsibilities section of a previous job: “extremely important and effective verbal skills required”
From a person touting her connections: “At this time in my life I am probably 1: ½ degrees away from any one person. I’m sure that I know you!
In an objective: “touching people on an internationally business-minded plane
In an objective: “Seeking employment in an organization where profits are derived by exploiting the creative talents of their employees”
“Gentlemen: I have recently sold my business, home, have a current passport and am ready for relocation immediately”