It should be no secret by now if you’ve looked at the archives that I love absurdity, especially found absurdity. The subtitle of this blog comes from the side of a waxed-paper takeout beer container we handed out in the pub where I worked in London, back when I was young enough for that to be fun. When I left England, I cut the slogan out and brought it back with me. It’s been taped to my computer monitor for as long as I’ve had one. “Keep upright, avoid shaking has always seemed like an admirable goal toward which to strive. Some days it seems more ambitious than others.
Anyway, absurdity-wise, today was a good day.
This afternoon I was behind a pickup truck with a sticker that said, “Windsurfing Has Been Cancelled” Hmm. Enigmatic. I like. I have no idea what that might mean in a, you know, tailgate context. I love it when a bumper sticker puzzles me. My friend Bryon wanted to make one that said, “I’m Thinking About Robots” If anyone had asked him to explain what the hell that was supposed to mean, their guess would have been as good as his, which is what made it so pleasingly bizarre. I much prefer that to seeing a car with the driver’s every opinion chronicled on the back. “Hey, if you want to impose your thoughts on a disinterested world, get a blog.” And dammit, I still take “Kill Your Television personally. You can mess with me. You can mess with my friends. But don’t mess with my TV.
Speaking of TV, Speed Channel has a show at 8:00 featuring “midgets on the asphalt at Indianapolis Raceway Park” I love the Time Warner on-screen guide. In addition to having ridiculous movie synopses, they sometimes truncate the show title to fit the space. One night I had the choice of watching “Mario Eats It or “Solid Gold Jew”
Huh. Something on or around my desk just made a little beeping noise I’ve never heard before. So far the candidates are a switched-off mobile phone, a tape measure and my new laptop. It’s probably the laptop. It loves to confuse me. The motto for the 21st century should be, “Where’s that noise coming from?
After seeing the windsurfer-hating truck, I came home to find an email from Deborah, who signs her name “Joan Cambel” “the Cambels are one of the lesser known Scottish clans, a sept of the McCantspells”. The subject line reads, “I suppose today he fatefully has thorny snags! Gee, Deborah-Joan, I’m not sure who you mean. The only person I know with fatefully thorny snags is Mike Backon. Oh, wait! Look at the text!
Hello Dbt!
I guess you know Mike Backon? I’m sure he alas has solid hitchs! Test this homepage to help him!
Well, if Mike Backon needs my help, I’m there for him. And yes, alas, he does have solid hitchs. In fact, we used to call him Hitch back in school. Not to his face, of course.
Oh, dear. I knew things were tough with Mike, what with the thorny snags and the hitch situation and all, but this is worse than I thought. Oh, Mike, Mike, Mike. Not a porn site, Mike. Couldn’t you have done something decent and honorable, something that would live up to your potential? What about refilling inkjet cartridges, Mike? You always loved doing that!
Man, this has really shaken me up. I hope I don’t run into Mr. and Mrs. Backon tomorrow at the Parents and Friends of People Living with Solid Hitchs picnic. I wonder if they know. Deborah-Joan, if you’re reading this, give me a call. We need to talk.