Microsoft vice president of automotive technology Dick Brass
I was talking to someone the other day about how much we both love technology. I may not always be the earliest adopter, but I’m an enthusiastic user. For instance, I have a wireless network at home that allows me to surf the web from my laptop computer while sitting 30 feet away from my desktop computer. If you’re wondering why this is necessary, then you are not One of Us.
Still, two things happened today that make me want to live in a mud hut and make my own clothes. First, I got a phone call from Midvale, Utah. I picked up the phone and heard a recorded voice:
“Please hold for an important announcement”
“10 second pause”
“Please hold for an important announcement”
“10 second pause”
“Please hold for an important announcement”
“10 second pause”
“We apologize for this inconvenience. Goodbye”
If I thought there was a guerilla/Dadaist/Luddite movement out there performing acts of technological annoyance so outrageous as to provoke widespread uprisings, I would attribute it to them. Sadly, the culprit is more likely just Some Jerk in Utah.
Second, I read this report from Reuters:
Microsoft Aims for Software in Every Car
First Microsoft set out to put a computer in every home. Now the software giant hopes to put one in every vehicle, too.
“We’d like to have one of our operating systems in every car on Earth” said Dick Brass, vice-president of Microsoft’s automotive business unit. “It’s a lofty goal”
Cars with the Microsoft software will speak up when it’s time for an oil change. They’ll warn drivers about wrecks on the road ahead and scout alternative routes. They’ll pay freeway tolls automatically. The software running their brakes will upgrade itself wirelessly.
Perhaps that sent a cold chill through you the way it did me.
You have chosen to end the unresponsive program BRAKES. Would you like to report this, or are you dead?
This reminds me of a joke:
Three engineers are riding in a car that suddenly stops for no apparent reason.
The mechanical engineer says, “We should check the fuel system”
The electrical engineer says, “We should check the charging system”
The Microsoft engineer says, “We should make an inferior product and use monopolistic and predatory business practices to force its use and drive cheaper, better products out of the market”
I think that’s how it goes.